Dear Dalyah,
I am seeing this amazing woman who makes me incredibly happy, but I worry every day that her ex will try to ruin things between us. I also worry that I will remind her of her ex. I do what I can to show her I am different, that what we have is pure. Should I let her know I am worried?
- Worried Wart
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Dear Worried Wart,
If you are still seeing this person and haven't outwardly told you that you remind her of her ex. Then I hate to break it to you, but you do not remind her of her ex. That being said, I don't know who this ex is, but I have had my fair share of them. No matter what they do or say, they can't change feelings. Does she tell you that she has feelings for this person still? Is there any doubt that she will go to them if given the opportunity? If not, then I do not see how there is a way this ex can ruin it. The only people who have a say in how your relationship goes is you and your significant other. It sounds like there are some severe concerns there W.W., and if I were you, I would talk to her about them. Communication is the only way to defeat the beast that is our imagination. You might need some positive reassurance that she feels the same thing you feel if she hasn't expressed it yet. Finally, if you are still worried, write it out. When I can't tell if it is my own self-doubt affecting me or some outside force, I do that. Writing can help organize those feelings as well as help you find solutions. I hope you both work it out, and the ex leaves you both alone.
Remember, you are loved.
Dalyah
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Dear Dalyah
My life has a lot of different responsibilities in it. Often, I do not have time for people. My friends, family, and even relationships get pushed to the back burner. My work/life balance is totally messed up and isn't going to change. But a girl has needs. I do not really dig the idea of a one night stand, but I am just so lonely some days. Any suggestions?
Yours, forever single
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One word for you, Forever Single, OOF.
You ready for this, cause some of what I am about to tell you will be a hard pill to swallow. Here it goes... No one can fix your work/life balance but you. I know it sucks hearing that, or well reading that, but it is true. Now I am not saying quit your job, but you have to decide when enough is enough. Is working as hard as you do with so little reward making you happy? No? Well, then why do it? Cause you can look for another job, stay in the one you have while looking for a new one, one that will respect you and give you the time you need to spend with family and friends. But besides that, if you haven't even started to make an attempt to put your friends and family above work, then maybe you should try that? Finally, if you have time for a one-night stand, you have time to see someone you know. You may think you don't, but trust me, you do. It sounds like you are giving yourself an excuse to push people away rather than working to keep them close. Now I am not saying you don't have a one-night stand. Get your groove on if that is what you want. However, you need to address whatever is keeping you from your friends as well. Whether that is telling your work 'No' or delegating work to someone else, or finding another job. Your friends and family deserve it, at least the ones that put in the effort to see you.
Remember, you are loved.
Dalyah
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Dear Dalyah,
I met this girl, but she says I am too old fashioned. I mean, I am trying here, but its really hard to keep up with the modern-day. I have always considered myself a hep guy, but I may be missing something here.
Sincerely,
Fashionably Old
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Dear Fashionably Old,
Listen to me really well. DO NOT CHANGE YOURSELF FOR SOMEONE ELSE. Periodt. Do you like being old fashioned? Do you care about keeping up with modern-day? I am assuming we are talking about technology and not about like modern values, like women voting and other equal rights. Because I will smack you if that is what you are talking about.
If you are talking about technology, then do what makes you comfortable there. Take it one step at a time, and remember to have patience. If you need a good tech support stop in town, then check out Glitch Electronics. I bought a phone there not too long ago, and the owner was very accommodating. You get to decide what materialistic changes you are willing to make in your life. Don't let a girl you just met do that for you.
Remember, you are loved.
Dalyah